Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
