Slut skills are useful in every country.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
