I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
