DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
