Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your penis caused this!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
