is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
