someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
