Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
