We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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