is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize