That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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