I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
