Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
