Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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