Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
