I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize