in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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