words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize