I could make wine with my vomit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
