Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
