i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
