I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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