if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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