I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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