I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
