Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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