Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
