He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
