I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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