thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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