It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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