So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm at about main and main street
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
