So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
