if you like me you must not know who I am
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
