It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize