Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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