Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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