I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
