These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
