wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We got so high we made milksteak
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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