I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
