Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
