He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
