I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize