Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
