I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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