she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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