Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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