you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
false alarm. still invincible.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
