If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize