Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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