Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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