you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
