This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
