Where did you get a picture of my penis
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize