I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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