I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
