I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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