pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize