its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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