I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
