When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize