Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
