he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
