clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize