Christians are straight up FREAKS
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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