I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
