My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
