My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
